first week and more

wow. there are not words to describe the experiences that God has blessed me with having here so far. and being immersed in such an obviously broken community (understanding though, that most, if not all, communities are broken in some way) makes brokenness a much closer friend than i would’ve first imagined. it’s the same cycle. violence seeps through the cracks between rocky relationships and friendships due to (many things) a gripping hatred that clings to a person like a ravaging wolf would cling to it’s mutilated corpse of a meal after not eating for a week. anger seems to be the fall back reaction to conflict in almost any circumstance, and you can imagine the repercussions of such a response. the way people look at each other. the tone of voice that they use. little shrugs of the shoulders. the imminent paranoia of disrespect being tossed your way. small things. little things that should be let go, but that cause such terror within a community. before you know it, the little things become important (if they haven’t already turned into big things), and the thought of fighting convicts the two involved, as it seems to be the only logical solution to the problem at hand. and once two get involved, there are bound to be more, and hence gangs, shootings, hatred, anger, fear, and an outer layer harder than diamond.

so what does it take to break through? to reach into the vulnerability that lies within; the fear; the emptiness? and how does restoration occur? my campers talk a lot about violence and how there are certain for sure triggers that will set them off no matter what, even to the point of murder. now, murder is not justified at any age, but these kids are 10 years old…how much more so is it vital that they understand what the value of peace is? and if they do eventually grasp such peace (that ultimately is found in Christ), will the world not be changed little by little? understanding, though, that when asked if fighting is ever an appropriate response, they will answer “no”. i would say that for being so early in the summer, that is the perfect starting block; something i can definitely work with. a question i’ve been chewing on a small amount is this, “how is character built, or how do i build character in others…but more importantly, how is that character, once built, sustained?” just as much as i would be foolish to expect that working out once would make me a body builder, it is imperative that the building of character is an investment over a large amount of time, and not one day. i have a summer, not an extraordinary amount of time, but definitely plenty of time for God to do something big.

will we ever reach a point where our natural reaction to conflict, obstacles, or anything else in our lives is love? and i am the guiltiest, don’t get me wrong. once the reaction, response, even instinct of love pervades our lives and our hearts, i have a feeling that we might see that it is contagious. what better to have infecting everyone around us than love?

but my thoughts are all over the place…disorganized in an extreme way, and my questions just raise more questions. on the more physical side of things here, my campers arrived a week ago today, and i am having a ball with them. i have about 8 or 9 boys that come to day camp on a consistent basis, but a couple more that might be joining us later on. the first day (presumably because of all the jitters and the start of something new) was quite rocky, and i stumbled out of my classroom at the end of the day kind of in a dazed and confused state, feeling like i had just had a bad dream. the boys are behaving much much better now, though, and we are growing closer as a class each day. some of the greatest times for me are found when i see those unhindered smiles during swim lessons, or when the boys get serious and talk about the biggest issues in their lives (darn girlfriends!), and never fail, when they dance in performing arts time, their true colors shine. even though i feel like i am trying to shape them up all the time, my boys have taught me so much in only a week. i can’t wait to see what the upcoming weeks hold.

i’ve already been here 4 weeks! that’s ridiculous to think about. time is flying way too fast.

i hope this finds you all well.

-ben.